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2007.09.04.11.20.open relationships

OK, so I'm posting this RANT here, and took it down off the bear profile page...Was getting some feedback from both partnered and single bears, but thinking it was turning more people off than getting their attention...So let me just say that I don't have anything against open relationships...I'm just trying to figure them out...I find myself sometimes being FRUSTRATED by guys in open relationships...What are you supposed to do when you meet someone who you spend time getting to know, and find that you are compatible mentally and physically, but can only take that to a certain point because there's a spouse to contend with...In the past I have found myself wanting more than He was willing to give...So then I have to cut that off to avoid the stress and drama(just a thought...am I more attracted to guys that ARE in relationships??? something to think about)...Yes, I have met a few single Bears that I wanted to pursue a relationship with, but they were either living too far away to have anything serious or they were not interested in me except for sex...So where does that leave me???Here in Rochester, there are many guys in open relationships out looking to hook up. So do I take the HIGH ROAD and wait for "Mr. Right" to come along before I have sex??? I've been celibate for long stretches in the past...I've got being alone DOWN...It's just not what I want for myself anymore...I am a social person and love the feeling of being part of a group, but to know that you are special to one particular person...being able to communicate with a look, a touch, even a smell, nothing quite compares to that...And I don't do well mentally going so long without sex...It's a huge factor of my depression...So I need to HAVE SEX...we all need to have sex...it's good for the soul...So where does that leave me?...with the idea that a monogamous relationship, however impractical or unreasonable, or even unnatural is something that I want for myself...but realizing that every relationship is unique and compromise IS a part of relationships...so I ask the question(s)...How do "OPEN" relationships survive? What is the commitment or bond that you and your spouse share that can't be broken by letting someone else into your bed? Was the relationship always open or did it evolve to that point? What ARE the boundaries? How do you know when the line has been crossed? Can your partner TRUMP your decision to play or not??...Maybe I'm just over thinking it all?

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
bigredpaul
Sep. 5th, 2007 05:49 pm (UTC)
How does any kind of relationship survive? Is a monogamous relationship only about sex? Is sex the main component to a relationship?
bluecollarbear
Sep. 6th, 2007 10:17 pm (UTC)
open relationships
Thanks for the response...Thanks for more questions to ponder upon...LOL. How does any kind of relationship survive? For me, I need Trust, Love, Laughter, and Communication(in that order of importance?). Is a monogamous relationship only about sex? I don't think that a monogamous relationship is ONLY about sex...but it IS defined by a sexual boundary...which most people (including myself) have been programmed to believe is the "ideal" situation to be in. Is sex the main component to a relationship? Of course not...and maybe that's part of the resolution that I'm looking for...that I've been putting too much importance on the sex?
bigredpaul
Sep. 6th, 2007 10:22 pm (UTC)
other questions to ponder
What is the inherent value of sacrifice?

What is the mark of a successful relationship?

What happens if one member of a monogamous relationship can no longer function sexually?
bluecollarbear
Sep. 10th, 2007 03:33 am (UTC)
Re: other questions to ponder
The inherent value of sacrifice is that someone benefit from the sacrifice,that something is gained from the loss...if not for yourself, then for someone else. It can also reaffirm or even strengthen a bond. The mark of a successful relationship? Love? Trust? Longevity? Prosperity? Happiness? Health? I think that question could have many answers...And what happens if a partner can no longer perform...then partners need to communicate and compromise and adapt to life, But don't forget that my perspective is from the guy looking in...sometimes wanting more...
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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